In today’s technoriffic and twittertastic age, a website is your required alchemy into this abstruse domain. Since you’re just discovering the internets, an intertubular site de web is really the beginner’s apparatus. Forget about tweeter and blogors and the webosphere; file that for later. Being a web developer myself, I’ve generously created this example Craigslist posting, expressing your desire for one of those neat interwebular sites. If you use this, you’re sure to garner the best of applicants, well on your way to having your own place on the hyperspace information webnet.

Website Designer Wanted!!! be sure to use multiple exclamations

I’m looking for someone able to build a cutting-edge website for a slicing-edge company. There is no pay, but there is great opportunity for future revenue. This is really the kicker opening, and sure to attract.

We need someone who has the latest skills in website design, marketing, and SEO. We want blogs, and members, and a top ranking on Google. We need our members to be able to blog while driving, and to be able to drive while blogging. So there’s some serious UI considerations here, meaning you also need to be an expert in UI design and testing. Sounds pretty simple so far!

This website needs to be a site for the web. If you don’t understand the web, then you need not apply. If you don’t know everything about internetular websites, then you should look elsewhere. You should also be good at making coffee, and using Powerpoint. The entire website should be created in Powerpoint, and then ported over to an Adobe PDF for viewing on the web. You also need to plan on coupling an Adobe Flash into the Powerpoint, so that it can then be exported to an SEO viewer for the web. The website also needs to play a song from my favorite record. This is pretty basic for anyone in a college that teaches the interwebs.

Lastly, you need to be able to read a Word document, because all of my programming requirements are in a Word document. You should be able to just do File->Save For Web and then make the website. This shouldn’t really take a lot of time for you. My thoughts have been typed into a computer, and therefore the computer simply needs to execute my typing. But that’s where you come in. And I can’t really afford to pay you a lot, because I’m on a budget. I can pay you in giraffe poop deodorant, because that’s what my website will be selling. Oh, I forgot to mention that you just need to have e-commerce abilities in this website, as well. But that should be easy for a pro like you.

So, if you’d like to make no money, working for someone who knows nothing about what they’re asking for, please contact me. I mean, it’s not as though roofers or carpenters or mechanics get paid. They just dictate their commands into the Matrix and shit just happens. That’s reality… the reality of your skills being worth nothing to me. I guess if you need some money though, I can offer you ten freaking dollars for some coffees or something. But that’s really pushing it.

So, by using this example posting on Craigslist, you’re sure to get lots of attention! I hope this helps you make your webular dreams come true!